Haven't really felt much like blogging lately. I've had a lot on my plate. But I feel like I need to write out some things I've been feeling lately. Maybe my girls will read this someday and realize I didn't ALWAYS have it all together. Oh c'mon... Who am I kidding? I've never had it together. Doubt I ever will.
I know, I know...
This is the season for us to count our blessings ( I'm fully aware that I have many) but I don't really feel like that tonight. Right now it just feels easier to count my many tasks/obligations/stresses that I can't seem to handle.
I'm drowning in a sea of overwhelmededness (Yes, I made that word up.)
Forgive me as I go on and on... and on about how crazy life seems right now and hopefully by the time I'm done writing I'll want to slap myself for being such a rotten cry baby.
1. Why can't I get my house clean??? Not to stay clean, I know how to do that. (You clean up after yourself, right?) How do I get it to be clean in the first place? I can't do it by myself and I can't with little kids running around. How do people do it!? Seriously. Tell me. I'm desperate to know!?!?
2. I'm stressed about the way my house looks. I have no base boards, my carpet is filthy, my laundry room is half-painted... and so is the girl's room and my bathroom and my kitchen. And, as was so nicely pointed out to me, I need my grout cleaned!!! There isn't enough time in the day to accomplish everything I need to do to make my house "presentable". Did I mention the grubby hand prints that are on every door-casing and wall about 2 feet from the floor in my house?
3. A sweet friend came by and dropped off some brownies (so sweet, right?I really needed that!) And what did I give her? An hours worth of my ugly cry. And I have a SERIOUSLY UGLY CRY! Why? Why? How can I be a better friend? I try, I really do!
4. I feel like lately something or some one's always slipping through the cracks. I can't get e-mails or phone calls returned and I most certainly haven't been able to comment on any one's blogs. Madison's still in school but the other two girl's aren't. Am I giving her the attention and focus she needs. Does she even "need" me? Do my kids get to see mean-screaming-task-master mommy more than they see nice-happy-fun-loving mommy?? Does she exist anymore? Did she ever?
5. I haven't even started to think about Christmas. That's a lie! I've thought about it A LOT. Like how I'm SO not ready. No presents wrapped because no presents bought. Usually I'm so much more prepared than this. That might just be another lie. Sorry.
WOW! It's amazing how sometimes you just need to get some things off your chest! See, I'm feeling better already. I think I've gotten it all out of my system. No more ranting. No more cry baby fits. No more pity parties.
Tomorrow is a new day!
18 comments:
You'd be surprised how many of your bullets resonated with me, too. I have been feeling so many of the same things lately! Athough I have found that the key to #1 is to just have your mom move in with you - she'll do it for you. ;) I wish I could be more help - hang in there! People love you!
Like Cynthia said, I think you'd be surprised to know how many people can relate to you. People put on really good fronts, and you very rarely really know what's really going on with them. I feel like the craziest person in the universe right now. I'm seriously psycho right now, just ask my husband. He would not even deny it. And I so don't know how people have spotless houses. It really does baffle me. I'm also with you on getting overwhelmed with returning calls, emails, comments. It just gets too much sometimes. So anyway, all I'm saying is that you are so normal and we all love you.
Oh, I'm sorry you're so stressed.
I think your friend was prompted to stop by with the brownies because you needed her shoulder to cry on and I'm sure she was okay with you letting it all out. We all need that. Remember that your kids are happy and healthy and that's so much more important right now than a spotless house (which really isn't possible with young kids around). I have a friend whose house was always spotless and she had a miserable childhood, because all she remembers is that her mom was constantly nagging them about the house. You're a great mom. Don't be too hard on yourself. Children=chaos and motherhood=guilt because you'll never feel like you're doing enough. What's that poem about handprints on the wall? It's so true.
Wow, it's crazy, how just getting things "off your chest" helps you feel better, but honestly I feel the same way in alot of ways too!! As far as the house, just take it one room at a time. If you try to do it all at once, you will just get overwhelmed and depressed. They just did a show on Oprah about it and just spend about 10 - 20 minutes and do as much as you can. As for being the "fun happy mom" YOU ARE!! Whenever I see you or read your blog you always look like you are having fun and so are your kids. Don't worry, it will get better, it has too. I know that we haven't known each other for a long time, but I think you are a great person!
Leah, I don't have anything long or profound to say but I do know that you have always had a hard time seeing all that you do do and all that you bring to peoples lives, you give more than you think to people!
Oh girl!! I sooooo know how you feel!! I am here if you need anything! I could come get the girls and little man and take them to the park just to give you some time to do whatever you want!!! Just say the word and I am there (well as soon as you give me directions to your house!!) It was fun running into you at the park the other day I always enjoy our talks!! :)
I knew you were being WAY too quiet last night! You could have totally unloaded on me! Now whose the crappy friend?! I should have just pushed you until you cracked....
I'm sorry you are so overwhelmed, but look at what you have accomplished in the last year! You tend to forget about the things you have done and the help you have rendered and still render to people (HELLO! YOU STILL TAKE MY KIDS TO SCHOOL FOR ME WHEN I NEED YOU TO! WHAT DO I DO TO RE-PAY THAT?!). You do plenty for others - you need to focus on you!
And have I ever mentioned that I am like a little kid when it comes to cleaning other peoples houses - I love it! It's much more fun than cleaning your own house. When should I arrive with my cleaning crew? (That being Brad...)
Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed just come over to my house and we'll chat/vent (whatever) and eat something chocolate. You are a great wife, mother, friend, neighbor and many other wonderful things, don't you forget it. :)
So this *could* have been exactly(minus the brownies) my post last week.....and then I menstrated:) and Chuck offered me a blessing that totally helped. Thank goodness.
We painted last night and I can't wait to do it again tonight when the babies go to sleep so all of those dirty, grimy, fingerprints all down my hallway can finally disapear. Maybe I'll get to basebosrd too, it's only been 5 years....
Hang in there! Chuck is off this weekend, lets go out.
Oh my! I'd love to say that it gets better with age, but that wouldn't be true. The conflicts and problems are different but they're still there. EVERYONE has bad days/weeks/hopefully not months but it could happen I suppose. It's not such a bad thing to be down once in awhile but you have to be able to pull yourself back up (and family and friends help with that too). Hopeless and helpless are not good feelings - that "black hole" just seems to get darker and deeper sometimes. Hang in there - there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel...hard to believe, but true!
I think there are so many of us in the same boat as you, so don't feel bad about venting, you just said what all of us want to. Sheral Barney said a bunch of woman should should put a cleaning crew together, where it would consist of four woman and you take one day a week and spend two hours at each others houses cleaning and the person with the lunch hour provides lunch and you just keep rotating. I think it is a fabulous idea. Do you know how much four women can get done in a two hour period?! I hope you feel better soon!!! Anytime you want me to come get the kids just call, my kids would love it!!
Everyone feels like this from time to time, but some just don't admit it. We are human after all. And in the world we live in it's easy to feel like you're falling behind. And trust me, if someone has kids AND a picture perfect house, something's up! haha!
Thanks for inviting me to the craft thing lastnight! I had so much fun!
Hey lady, it is always good to write down how you are feeling. Every thing will be okay. Your house is cute and I don't even notice there aren't baseboards. Don't worry about the holidays, all I know is you make the best Christmas morning breakfast! Yum.
I had the best time with you guys Saturday night. That was fun!
Love you!
Oh Leah.....I'm sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed!! I guess I am just passing on the same sentiments as everyone before me but seriously you can always call me and then I dont even have to see your ugly cry!
What! I am just reading this....but very late. Sorry. I am glad that I am not the only one. I know I have felt this way too.
Your house is so cute & you do so much for other people. You are such a great mom & friend!
It probably doesn't help much to realize that what you're feeling is just normal stuff for women in your place (young kids/husband/home) to take care of. It will pass. Sometimes it helps to ask "what's the absolutely worst thing that would happen if (fill in the blank) didn't get done"? That helps me to prioritize. Usually the expectations we impose on ourselves are the heaviest ones to accomplish. Hang in there. I love you.
Love the post...don't love that you feel so overwhelmed! But I love how honest you are because I feel that way too! I just have a few hours each night after work to go over homework, cook & clean up dinner, give baths, do laundry, read to my kids....fit in grocery shopping?? Ready for Christmas??!! ya right! haven't started! You are doing such a great job with your family and this is just a season in life. Your house can be clean all the time when your old so who cares right now! Everybody who knows you, loves you so remember that!
I know you posted this almost a month ago, but here I am not finding any time either to comment when I've been wondering how you are doing and wanted to let you what an awesome person you are and how much fun you are just from talking to you at the fight nights, which you were missed at by the way. have a merry christmas and hope to see you soon.
Ang
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